


If you must live, darling one.

by be_wulf



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - J. Sheridan Le Fanu
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Carmilla dealing with being human, Danny dealing with being a vampire now, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Everyone is trying to be mentally healthy but that's difficult, F/F, Fluff and Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm shoving all my headcannons into this and some of yours if you want!, LaFontaine trying not to flinch when Perry raises her hand, Laura dealing with the recoil of what she went through, Other, Perry dealing with being fucking possessed, Post-Canon, also laf's parents aren't digging the whole nonbinary thing, also papa hollis being a father figure to everyone, between s3 and the movie, emotional recoil, perry's parents don't either l-lol, set post-s3, the art of moving on tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-28 09:02:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8439547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/be_wulf/pseuds/be_wulf
Summary: The air felt like a second chance, likely because it was. Laura could feel the dirt under her nails and the phantom injury in her chest, like someone had twisted her insides apart, likely because they had. She gasped in the clean air like it was water to a dying tongue and had to take a moment at the crest of the pit to sink her every fiber into the moment. Beside her, the sound of Carmilla breathing unevenly drew her attention because she was always on the watch for the sound of gasping breaths, and because Carmilla had never breathed like that before. The girl's black hair was caked in dust and tear tracks cut across her porcelain cheeks, tinged with pinkness and dirt and her dark eyes looked far away. --In which we pick up where season three left off, and move towards the beginning of the movie. Mostly, everyone is trying to recover; they've been through some shit, you know.http://be-wulf.tumblr.com/





	1. the day it happened

**Author's Note:**

> "Now all we know is don't let go."
> 
> So, first chapter is a little rough because it's leading the events of season three into what the actual fic is going to be about. It's going to have a lot and most of it isn't going to take place at Silas, actually, so this'll be all sorts of fun.

Laura Hollis, catalyst, believer-of-all, led her fellow students out of the pit that day. Most were in need of nourishment and first aid of varying degrees, and she knew nothing about how to provide them that (a feeling she'd admittedly grown used to: not knowing). Thankfully, the alchemy guys and the bio majors (led by Lafontaine, of course,) organized a haphazard system of triaging the injured and everyone with capable hands helped to the best of their ability. The Summers and Zetas banded together to create search parties and descended bravely back into the pit to seek fallen comrades while Laura conducted groups to the cafeteria to bring as many trays of food as they could manage to the lawn where the rest of the previously-captive student body was resting. 

After a large trauma, there was an air of quietness. Laura watched students who knew each other holding hands, or hugging, or patting each other's backs and exchanging glances that said what words could not. That day, she witnessed so much kindness that she felt a piece of her swell for this supernatural university that she never should have attended. Lafontaine cracked expert jokes in their own dry humor and she laughed, the others laughed, but Laura pulled Laf into a tight hug at the soonest opportunity. "We couldn't have done it without you," Laura whispered. 

"I know," Lafontaine quipped, "and I appreciate the fact that you didn't kill my best friend. Even if you almost killed yourself, which wasn't very bright either." They broke apart and Laura smiled weakly but genuinely. She tried to stuff meaning into it, and thank God for Laf because they noticed it. "Anyway, I gotta go manage the Alchemy guys or else they'll do some freaky stuff with the medical equipment," They departed with a wave, and Laura called after them to get that eye looked at, because she wasn't entirely sure if they'd had the time in the midst of being brave and all.

It was a mess, but Laura spoke to the masses and for once, they listened to her explain all the little things that she had never been able to explain before. She owed them the truth: they all deserved the truth, and she was the person who could give it to them, so she did. All the while, Carmilla remained like a shadow at her side. She didn't talk much, but Laura caught her helping those who could only limp, and a moment of wonder crept into her mind. Was it for her, or for them? 

The campus was full of parents within hours and students were being steadily evacuated by the time Carmilla finally pulled Laura away, and she relented. She felt the kind of ache in her bones that she figured old poets wrote about in their respective times and figured a hot shower would do her good: of course, if she could manage to stay awake long enough to have one. 

"We could always have one together," Carmilla drawled quietly from the doorway to the bathroom. Laura glanced up, cocking a tired brow, and her girlfriend rolled her eyes. "Not like that. I've seen every part of you, Laura, I must admit I'm not daunted by having a shower together." 

To no one's surprise at all, Laura agreed. The process of getting undressed was stiff and awkward because of the aforementioned ache and the way her muscles complained painfully at her movements, but the most alarming thing was the bruise. "Carm," She murmured as she stared in the mirror. Splashed across the left side of her chest was a purple and black bruise that spiraled over her pale flesh and rose the area in a swollen state. She brushed her fingertips over the skin as Carmilla turned and inhaled when her gaze fell to the sprawled bruise over Laura's breast and up to her collarbone. Wordlessly, she unclasped the back of Laura's bra and slowly unwound it from her lover's arms; Laura moved to allow easier access and she tried not to wince when Carmilla laid a gentle palm over the mark. She looked up into Carmilla's eyes and found something intense there, as she always did, but it was broken by watering eyes and trembling hands. 

"God damn it, Laura," Carmilla breathed. Laura's lip trembled because there was so much unsaid here, she could practically feel it in the steam filling the room. It didn't even occur to her that they were wasting hot water because all she could think of was all the things they could do now that neither of them were dead. But that's when Carmilla's brow formed that crease that always happens when she is thinking, or worried, or both, and Laura doesn't have to ask because she answers the unsaid question; "... You don't have a heartbeat," 

It echoed like loose cannon fire through the bathroom. You don't have a heartbeat, Laura thought to herself. She pressed two fingers to the pulse point on her neck and Carmilla touched hers to the other side, and alas, no pulse met her flesh. "God," Carmilla breathed shakily. Her spare hand touched the space where her heart, her brand new heart, lay nestled in her ribcage and she swallowed. 

"It's okay," Laura said quietly, she reached her soft hands forward and put one over Carmilla's, the other on the back of her neck. 

"I-it's beating so fast," Carmilla whispered and her voice was so unsure that Laura was reminded vividly of the alternate universe where Carmilla had hung off her arm like a husk of her former self and she thanked every wicked God that there was a heart in Carmilla's chest. "Is that-" 

"It's normal," Laura assured quietly. She rubbed her thumb over Carmilla's spine and smiled weakly, "my heart races when I see you. Well, it used to," She allowed a laugh to leave her, but it felt odd. Carmilla didn't look as comforted as Laura ached for her to, but she glanced to the running shower as the steam clouds reached the tops of their heads and commented on the fact that Silas' hot water supply was scarce so they ought to get in if they're going to. 

The shower was... God, it was practically therapeutic. They switched places under the jet of water, they scrubbed their fingers through each other's hair and held long and truthful bouts of eye contact, seeing as they got so lost in them. Carmilla rubbed slow circles into Laura's back with her soapy hands and Laura let her eyes flutter closed as her head and the back of her neck was peppered with weak kisses, and she finally had to take Carmilla's arms and wind them around herself for a moment. She had to savor the steady thump of Carmilla's heartbeat against her shoulderblade, and the feeling of Carmilla's chin on her shoulder. "How the hell did we survive this, Hollis?" Carmilla mumbled. It was so clearly a rhetoric question, but an answer escaped Laura's lips before she got the chance to reply. 

"Fate," She whispered.

Carmilla snorted softly. "That's not dramatic at all," 

"Bite me! I almost died, I'm allowed to be a little pretentious, don't you think?" Laura shot back just as quick, which of course sent them both into a tizzy of laughter. How could they not? They were alive, good and real and alive, God, they were alive. Of course, all at once the water turned immediately cold and Laura squeaked as it hit her front, rushing Carmilla out so she could step out behind her and shiver pathetically until they had towels wrapped around themselves and padded unsurely into their old dorm room.

It was nostalgic and odd, considering that no one had inhabited the space since they left. All of what they left in their hasty escape laid untouched where they had left it, cloaked in a fine blanket of dust. Laura looked up, up, up and saw the cheap dollar store glow-in-the-dark stars still plastered to the ceiling where she had tacked them months and months ago. "Seems fitting, huh?" She spoke quietly as she pulled on what she could find in the closet: a tank top of hers, a pair of Carmilla's shorts that made Laura wonder if they were for partying or pajamas. She passed Carmilla back another stray shirt and a pair of her own pajama pants. "That we'd end up right back where we started, where we met and all..." She trailed off as she gazed at her bed, then at Carmilla's in turn. 

"'Will the circle be unbroken / By and by, by and by,'" Carmilla quoted offhandedly to her. Laura's brow furrowed, a thoughtful thing. 

"Isn't that a Johnny Cash song?" She inquired, to which she felt Carmilla's stare before she actually saw it. 

"It's a Christian hymn," 

"Oh. I never thought you were one for organized religion, seeing as the whole... God-for-a-mother-thing," Laura replied as she eased herself down onto Carmilla's bed, because she'd rather be surrounded by blankets that smelled distantly of her lover's perfume and shampoo and all the things that reminded Laura so vividly of her. Carmilla sank down next to her with a sigh and a wince caught in the crease on her forehead. 

"I'm not, but I can appreciate poetic words from just about anyone..." She answered tiredly as she tipped her head back with her wet hair sprawled across the old pillow under her head. They scarcely had room to be apart from each other, which suited Laura just fine as she tucked her hair away and rested her head on the left side of Carmilla's chest. With her cheek against her lover's skin, she felt the foreign heartbeat reaching through her cells to press against her flesh. 

"I don't want to ever get used to hearing your heartbeat," She whispered. Carmilla's arm encased her as they pulled the covers up to warm their aching bodies, and Laura let her palm rest over Carmilla's collarbones. Carm's fingers intertwined with her own. Before closing her own eyes, she saw her love's flutter closed so peacefully that she could almost cry; her face hurt from smiling, or maybe from crying, but she didn't know the difference just then. As she was drifting to sleep, a thought rose urgently in her mind and she squeezed Carmilla's hand. "Carm, wait," 

"Mm?"

"I love you too," Laura murmured. "I- I forgot to say it earlier." Carmilla's eyes flickered open and she peered over at Laura, her lips parting briefly. They kissed and it was all soft with lingering gazes and fingertips brushing cheeks and jaw lines, creating constellations of sensations over skin. They fell asleep at some point, but she couldn't exactly recall when. Tomorrow would bring so much, and she would face it with as much grace as she could muster, but for the time being she allowed herself to feel soft and vulnerable. Even now, Carmilla blurred Laura's world at the edges.


	2. the day after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing more characters into the fic, including LaFontaine and Sherman Hollis, which is fun! Again, I'm still getting into the groove of things but now the plot begins. Please comment and let me know what you think! If you have tips/pointers/ideas, let me know! 
> 
> Also, side note: chapters will get longer eventually, these are just the beginning ones.

To no one's surprise at all, Carmilla woke midday. The previous day had been the seventh circle of hell kind of taxing and seeing her lover die would be nightmare fuel for the next few years to come, likely, so she prepared to defend herself for the lie-in but thankfully no one challenged her. The only person present was Laura, and she had a tray from the cafeteria in her lap with a book in one hand, reading quietly. Carmilla stirred, alerting Laura to her awake state as she looked up at the blonde through drowsy eyes.

"Hey Carm," Laura greeted sweetly. Carmilla held still, pliant and vulnerable, closing her eyes as Laura's fingers wound through her dark hair. As she did throughout the course of the previous day, she noticed her heartbeat rather suddenly and almost choked on where the pulse seemed to ricochet around her body. It'd been so long since she had a working organ in her chest, the rhythm of blood it pumped through her system was foreign and haunting. There had been nothingness there. Well, before Laura there had been nothingness in many ways, but she couldn't go down that train of thought now, or she would get lost in it.

A grumble rolled loudly through her stomach, and so she propped herself up on her elbows as Laura looked over at her with a sunshine-y kind of smile. "Hungry?" She inquired brightly. Now that Carmilla sat up, (her back and just about every other muscle protested the action) she could see the contents of the tray, which was one and half PB&J sandwiches and a rather impressive assortment of vending machine findings. 

"Mm, you even left a pack of cookies," Carmilla noted in her usual drawl as she plucked a half of her sandwich and took a bite. It felt odd, because she knew theoretically that blood would do nothing to ease her hunger, but she still wanted it. A curious thing, was it not? Laura promptly opened the aforementioned cookie pack and stole one childishly, with her side-eyeing glance and little grin. Carmilla rolled her eyes, but she also rested her head on Laura's shoulder. 

All at once, she remembered her palm on the bruise and the stark realization that'd sent hot fear boiling in her chest: Laura had no heartbeat. She wanted to fixate on this fact so badly, to obsess until she had an answer, which was unlike her at the same time that it was such a thing she would do. Centuries of answering to a God that discouraged questions had stamped down her curiosity, but she was a philosophy major and so having the courage to ask to hard questions was part of the equation. As well as knowing precisely when not to ask. 

So, Laura pretended to read and Carmilla ate PB&J and cookies from the vending machine. It was peaceful. That was until there was a knock at the door, and Laura glanced over her shoulder as Carmilla stood hastily and answered it. She put on her best standoffish appearance, however, it was only Lafontaine who quirked a brow and said, "You're looking really broody and daunting with the ducky PJs," Carmilla let them in. 

"Oh, hey," Laura greeted as she tucked her book away and placed the breakfast tray aside. Carmilla noticed the new dressing on Laf's wound, but also the way that they looked so tired and utterly spent: they had bags under their eyes, and even if they were still cracking jokes, their voice was low and husky with tiredness. 

"So, Perr is finally asleep," They updated as they sat on Laura's old bed. They had changed into a t-shirt and nondescript pants of some variety, but their fingers itched and worked at the loose threads neurotically. 

"She didn't sleep last night?" Laura appeared shocked, but Carmilla was not. "You'd figure after being possessed-" 

"That's the thing, actually, she said it was like-" Lafontaine paused as they tried to remember the exact words. "That it was dark and endless like sleep, so she didn't want to go, even if she was tired. You should have seen her bustling around trying to help people: no one wanted her near them, 'cause she'd been the Dean," Laura's eyebrows upturned as she listened, and she got that 'it's-all-my-fault' look but thankfully didn't say it. She seemed to know better now, and Carmilla was glad for it. If the one person with enough bravery to lead her fellow students to war against a God and come out the other side alive started to doubt her intentions, well... It would be very Laura like, the past Laura, but this girl was different now. 

"God, I'm so sorry Laf," She murmured, and the caring nature of her filled every syllable. 

Lafontaine shook their head. "No, don't be. She's going to be okay, I think. She wants to go back to her parents' place in the next couple days, which will be good for her."

Carmilla caught a sadness in Laf's tone. However, she wasn't the kind of person to question it- but Laura definitely was. "Are you going to go back to your parents with her? You grew up together after all," 

Laf smiled and Carmilla knew Laura had struck a chord. But Lafontaine was a palms up sort of kind; they took the blow and didn't retaliate unless the hit landed on someone else. They were tooth-rotting kind of selfless, stupidly selfless, and Carmilla had to thank them for it. "I don't know," Lafontaine answered, rubbing their thumb over their knuckles unsurely. "My parents don't know about the non-binary stuff, and I doubt they'd approve... I don't really want to be constantly dead named. But, she's my best friend, so-" 

"You shouldn't," Carmilla interjected, which seemed to surprise both Laura and Laf. When they both stared at her, she elaborated. "You shouldn't go and put yourself in an uncomfortable position for her. You have a habit of doing that, not that she wouldn't be grateful, but she'd understand if you couldn't. Besides," She inhaled because Laf looked about ready to reply, and so she breathed out: "your name is what you say it is. It's not that difficult of a concept for one to grasp." 

Then everything was much too sappy, the kind of sappy that Carmilla reserved for quiet times with Laura so she stood up and stretched her aching body as Laura offered Lafontaine a pick from their exclusive collection of snacks, and Carmilla tried to find clothes to wear.

Lafontaine asked if they could crash in Laura's bed while the other two did whatever it was they were going to do today, and Laura allowed it. Which was a touch unfortunate because Carmilla didn't really feel like going anywhere, but according to Laura there was plenty to do, so they'd do whatever she had in mind. Between themselves and searching other unoccupied and rapidly evacuated rooms, they found enough clothing to wear and departed the dorm room to cross campus and, according to Laura, find the library where all their belongings were. The trouble with that was that the building had utterly deleted itself from the campus and had left a library-sized hole in the ground. It wasn't quite as impressive as the Lustig pit, she noted as they passed it. It was just a large gap, like the contents had been cut and pasted into the fucking aether. Regardless, Laura paused to peer over the edge and Carmilla lingered nearby. 

"Come on, don't fall in. It'd be a shame for you to die after I gambled for your life," Carmilla called. Laura snorted a laugh despite herself, and she turned back with her blonde hair in a sheet and the sun shining lazily off of her head and face. Carmilla's new heart gave an uncomfortable lurch, and she resisted the urge to touch her fingers to her breastbone and instead entwined them with Laura's as her girlfriend rejoined her. They walked like that, holding hands, across the quiet campus. Majority of the student body had retreated after their time as captives, so whoever was left was either mechanically attending class (because what else were they to do,) or mulling around the campus like zombies. 

Carmilla and Laura retreated to the half-destroyed Dean's flat, because it was the only way they knew how to access the rather elusive library. The building was still shabby; it's Austrian brick architecture was chipped where it had been beaten with rocks from protestors previously, a window was shattered here and there. A sense of its grandeur still lingered, however, and Carmilla thought to herself that it'd likely never fade. Even if Silas shut down after all this God fuckery, and the buildings were consumed by ivy and brought to the ground, it would still look magnificent. The interior had been sorted through. There was missing furniture that she thought she recognized on the front lawn where raging hormonal Zetas had created a bonfire, and for a moment Carmilla was very suddenly angry. Where did they get off doing that? Why destroy such old furniture? But she quelled it because they were angry and scared children so she couldn't expect decency of them. Besides, why should she be mad for the destruction of her mother's property? 

"You okay?" Laura asked suddenly. Carmilla paused as she seemed to zoom back into focus. Ahead of her, Laura was holding up the trap door and fixing her with that curious kind of look.

"Of course, why?" Carmilla asked as she stepped onto the trap door's rickety stairs. 

"You had that dark and twisty look on your face," Laura replied. "All broody and vam, uh, ex-vampire-y." 

"I was just thinking about how the Zetas burned the furniture," Carmilla admitted; except, she didn't say it like she was admitting anything, rather like it was a mere thought in passing. 

Laura made a sound to acknowledge her words while she thought over a reply. Carmilla had to give it to her for stopping before saying whatever she initially wanted to say- which, knowing Laura, could have been just about anything. They made their way through cobwebby passages, talking minimally, and at one point Laura yelped when a spider crawled onto her shoulder and Carmilla had to remove the arachnid before Laura picked a fight with its God. Carmilla opened the heavy wooden mystery door that led to different places depending on where you knocked, and she stepped into the familiar space. It'd grown to be their home for several very important weeks, after all-

Whatever thought train she was moving along, it was abruptly halted because she came face to face with a man that she didn't immediately recognize. "Dad!" Laura piped up from behind her. She squeezed out from behind Carmilla and ran to hug her father, who looked stressed as hell. Carmilla remembered the fact that their all too tragic near-death scenario was on a damn livestream thanks to Laura's dedication to her viewers, and she wondered absently if he was going to consider her undeserving once more. 

While Laura and her father hugged heartily, Carmilla slipped out of the room and went to retrieve their things. They'd created a makeshift bedroom in a filing room off the main lounge, where Lafontaine had taken the loft. There were two beds which, after the last few days, had been pushed together to allow them to sleep next to one another. After their hasty escape from the Dean's flat, they had gone back up to collect whatever belongings they could find in the mess that had been left, and then they'd organized it into their backpacks and assorted bags as best as they could. Carmilla gathered these things gingerly, plucking items from all the surfaces in the room as she listened to the distant mumble of Laura and her father debating something or rather. Somewhere in her, she cared what Laura's father thought of her; but the larger part only cared about what Laura thought. 

Footsteps alerted her and she turned with one of Laura's necklaces dangling from her hand, and it was Laura, who looked optimistic- which always looked a little desperate on her. "Sooo... Dad wants to take me home," She announced. Carmilla cocked a brow. "and he wants to take you home too." 

Carmilla felt alarmed for a moment. "... To your house?" 

Laura nodded. "Yep," 

"... Well shit," She muttered in response.

"Obviously we have time for you to think it through, you don't have to decide right away because that's a lot to think about and all that but if you-" 

"I'll go," Carmilla interjected. 

Laura's expression melted into one of shock, her mouth opened and closed and then she smiled and it was like dawn breaking over the alps and spilling light onto the lawns. "Really?" She asked, even though she knew better, as she wrapped her arms around Carmilla's waist. Ducking her head against Laura's, Carmilla nodded.

"I don't think we would fare well in a long-distance relationship," She said factually, which made Laura laugh, but she wasn't wrong. There was a lot that Carmilla had to think about on a very short time period, but thankfully, she prided herself on being rather good at making decisions abruptly.


	3. of loyalties and looking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, bangin' these babies out and they're getting to a respectable length. Currently, I'm establishing where everyone is at mentally, because holy hell these poor children have been through enough. Regardless, I added a headcanon/shoutout of mine towards the authors and the location where Carmilla was filmed: Laura grew up in Canada for the majority of her childhood (sticking to the canon facts that she grew up in a small town, isolated, etc, establishing her papa as a bit of a mountain man,) and her father moved to temporary housing with her when she went to Silas in Austria, except the campus is fairly isolated as described in series so he was a few towns over because as if he would let her go to Austria and not be nearby, let's be real. It would also explain why the mannerisms/language/references/culture of the series is very north american, so I'm hoping y'all don't mind!
> 
> Other than that, enjoy and please comment to let me know how it's going! I'd love to hear what you think as well as any pointers/advice.

Her dad was set on leaving as soon as possible, but Laura wasn't. Silas had become a new home for her, and a place where she had manifested and grown pieces of herself from the soil here despite the bizarreness of it all. Places where you almost died, lived, and loved were the difficult to depart; but places you grew were even harder. Of course, she had left Canada where she had grown up when she had applied for Silas in the first place, and her father had followed diligently because: "I'm not about to send you to some foreign school without being within driving distance," He left the care of Laura's childhood home to her uncle and flew with Laura to Austria. A few terms into her incredibly expensive and foreign university experience, she almost got herself killed on multiple counts, fell in love, made friends, played in supernatural war and defeated a God. What was a girl to do? Let hell reign? No, she was to Lois Lane it up and make a difference. 

Laura had requested a week to finish her business here, and although she had to talk him down and assure him that she liked the idea of going home (as well as explain her and Carmilla's relationship status), he agreed. Carmilla helped set him up in an empty dorm a room or two down from theirs, which settled his thirst to constantly dote on Laura without placing him in the room with them, aka: Laura's literal nightmare. But today, Laura was freed of a task because her father just wanted her to stay still and not go tripping into danger, and Carmilla gallantly distracted him long enough to let Laura escape the library's confines to resolve a few things on her own. With her school bag slung over her shoulder, bouncing off her hip, she strode from the Dean's flat and onto the lawns. 

Thankfully, it wasn't raining, but the autumn sky was marble grey overhead. She walked through the trampled spaces of grass where students had been laid out previously and past the skeletal remains of burnt furniture which had once been a bonfire. She walked, not sure what she was looking for until she spotted a semi-flat rock nestled in a thatch of grass, and she sat on it unceremoniously. As she watched butterflies swirl nearby, she took a notebook from her bag along with a pen and turned to a blank page. On it, she set to write herself a to-do list, which was the only way she ever got anything done, which consisted of several rather large tasks strewn throughout easier ones. 

TO-DO LIST:  
1\. Pack stuff. (Don't forget the books)   
2\. Make sure Carmilla packs stuff.   
3\. Locate Danny, try to talk to Danny without violence.  
4\. Talk to Lafontaine about coming home with us.   
5\. Talk to Perry about Laf.  
6\. Try not to forget anything at Austrian house.

That seemed reasonable, she supposed. 

\--

Laura was a woman on a mission, aka she was cosplaying as Lois Lane without the costume. She'd stubbornly made Carmilla re-check their packing at least eight times, (it had been seven but she wanted it to be an even number,) until her girlfriend finally refused to check anymore and landed in a huff with a thick poetry anthology in the library.

In the meantime before their departure, her father seemed obsessed with safety measures all over campus. She half expected the students to push him away or drive him out, but instead they listened and followed his instruction- even when it went a bit overboard. He had a solid dozen working on signage and a temporary fence around the Lustig pit and the spot where the library had been, as well as another few unlucky ones cleaning the kitchens, which Laura shuddered to think about. She supposed that after an utter lack of responsible authority, they just needed someone to step up and give them something reasonable to do. Faculty that she suspected hadn't stepped foot on the campus in years were reportedly making their way over, so she knew he was probably creating waves with the teachers that had remained. Laura, however, had other things to attend to.

Lafontaine, shockingly enough, was located in the biology lab. They looked up from where they worked with a microscope, a neat stack of Petri dishes to their left, and an open book to their right. They repositioned their goggles in order to see Laura and smiled stiffly. Their eye was still bandaged, which was good and appeared neat. "Hey, Laura," 

They sounded so tired.

Laura waved a little as she made her way over, pulling a rolling chair to the table Laf worked at, and she sat. For a moment, she observed quietly, but Lafontaine didn't start working again. Instead, they waited expectantly for some kind of news that she had to give, so she couldn't help but feel a little guilty. "So," Laura started. "My dad is here, and he's going to take Carm and I home," 

"Oh," Lafontaine set their hands on the table slowly. "Well, I mean, the angler fish is dead and hell is closed so I guess it's a safe time for a hasty retreat," They reasoned.

Laura smiled weakly, "Yeah, well... It still feels a little like running." Lafontaine made eye contact with her then and she felt it like a laser beam. They had never been angry at Laura for almost leaving when she did, before the fight and before Perry, but she wasn't sure whether or not they resented her. They were so brave, brave enough to put themselves gently in front of their possessed best friend and try to reason with her. Laura admired it more than she could express. Lafontaine never seemed to be afraid, and if they were, they didn't show it; but Laura? Laura was always afraid.

"You stayed when it mattered and that's what counts," Laf said, "you also didn't kill Perry so I can't really be mad at you for going." It was a joke, and they made to laugh but Laura hugged them. For a moment, the two of them just held each other; two tired souls, two good friends. Lafontaine smelled like disinfectant (Perry had once said the only place Laf was particular about cleaning was in a lab,) and strawberry conditioner. Laura let go after a few stolen moments.

"Are you going home with her?" She asked. 

"Yeah," Lafontaine sounded dreadfully resigned. "She needs me, besides- my parents aren't bad people... It's not like I can stay here. Tuition is expensive, and so is housing," They explained as they peeled off their gloves and grinned at Laura, like it was a joke, but Laura couldn't help the nag of worry in her chest. A large part of her didn't want to leave Silas, but this place had taken so much from her already. Perhaps almost as much as it had given.

"Well, if it gets too uncomfortable, my door is always open for you." Laura placed her palm on Lafontaine's bicep, looking into her friend's eyes because they had to believe her; that was important.

"That's... Really good of you, Hollis," Lafontaine murmured. "Don't you live in Canada though? I mean, you said your dad was pretty much camping out here because he was worried about you being overseas. Are you going all the way back home?" 

Laura nodded, "But if you ever need to make a daring escape, we could always pitch in for a plane ticket. My dad has a bait and tackle shop in town, so I'm sure he'd be willing to help someone who saved my life on multiple counts. Besides, he likes you," She smiled and tried to pack meaning into it. Lafontaine smiled back, but it was waning and exhausted, worn thin.

"Perry needs me," They said it like a confession murmured at church. "She went running down the halls when she woke up and I wasn't there. She wants to share a room. She- well, you know her. She's not normally like this. She's all..." Lafontaine paused, their brows furrowing thoughtfully. "She's all soft at the edges," 

Laura had never heard them sound so sad, even when them and Perry were fighting. She supposed Perry was still herself then, so she hadn't been estranged and hurt, because if there was one thing Laura knew Laf couldn't stand- it was their friends in pain. Laura was the same way, so she applied her trusty problem-solving skills: "Do you wanna help me do something stupid?" Okay, maybe it was just a distraction. 

That got Lafontaine's interest, though. "Like what? We can't get away with much considering your dad has gone all safety inspection on the entire campus. He got so exasperated at the Zetas when he found out they wanted to start another bonfire that he almost blew a gasket." 

Laura rolled her eyes, "He's going to cause a war at some point- they're frat boys. Good luck, Dad. Anyway, I want to try and find Danny." 

Laf quirked a brow. "Rage-filled ex friend who turned into a creature of the night and fed off beefcake puppy for months? You really are out to do something stupid." 

"The last thing she did was get Kirsch to us! For all we know she's past that, and besides, with the Dean gone she must really need help," Laura reasoned, "Carmilla can guide her-" 

Lafontaine laughed, then, as they took off their goggles and began to clear their station. "So, say we find Lawrence, you want Carmilla to help her? I don't think she'd be too into the idea." 

"Hopefully she'll do it as a favor for me, seeing as Danny did die trying to save me," Laura looked at her lap, picking at the strap of her bag as she let the truth hang uncomfortably in the air. It weighed on her. The feeling of Danny's hand, vice-like on her shoulder as she forced her back into the chair and the bloodletting look in the girl's eyes as she grappled with Carmilla paired with the choking voice; 'I'm not afraid,' she had whispered to Laura in the Dean's suite. 

Lafontaine canted their head. "Maybe. Either way, you're right. Danny was really messed up- you saw her when she brought Kirsch back, so..." They trailed off before straightening up, a brighter expression coming over their face. "Time to hunt a vampire-" They paused. "Non-violently, I mean,"

\--

Turns out, no one had seen Danny Lawrence for quite some time. Laura and Lafontaine, with their combined efforts, ducked and weaved around campus. They cleverly avoided her father's clean-up-crew and the man himself as they went over the check-in roster from the day they'd brought the students up from the pit, and found Danny had never put her signature down. Laura went to the Summers whilst Lafontaine went to find Kirsch with the Zetas, but both attempts turned up fruitless. ("I don't know, after she turned into a vampire she was evil as all hell. She's not a summer anymore." and- "D-Bear? I haven't seen her, but if you find her please tell me, okay? She's my bro, bloodsucker or not.") Laf even suggested asking the Alchemy guys whether or not they'd continued their weird photograph logs from when girls initially went missing and they hadn't. Finally, the two succumbed to walking around asking anyone if they'd seen her. A few lashed out, asking why on earth they'd want to find her and Laura realized with a sick weight in her gut that Danny had been horrible to people. Not just Kirsch, but others, too. 

Lafontaine cracked timely jokes that made Laura smile, but the feeling wouldn't go away. The other vampires had all fled, she assumed; either that or they just disappeared like smoke in the siege of the Lustig pit. Despite the revelations about Danny, Laura hoped she hadn't been killed in the complication. Thoughts from their initial friendship swirled through Laura's mind as dusk crisped the air at its edges and pulled vapor from their breaths. Lafontaine called it quits when Laura finally snapped at a Zeta who'd told them that he hoped Danny fell into the pit and broke her neck, and they guided her back to Perry's dorm room. 

She realized that she'd never actually been in Perry's room, but it was so distinctly her. There were dozens of items on every surface, neat but homely cluttered, that all looked like they came directly from an etsy advertisement. There were small leafy plants whose pots were wrapped in crocheted cozies, there were picture frames which looked like they had been custom wood burnt with patterns and names and there were paintings that looked distinctly handmade. And all around were the pictures of Perry and Lafontaine's smiling faces. Years of memories were scattered onto the walls, and Laura appreciated just how long Laf and Perry's friendship had lasted. Laura had grown up in solitude, for the most part, and thus the years of gaptoothed smiles plastered neatly to the walls here were not lost on her, they were just foreign. On top of it all, everything was clean to the point of obsession. Perry was laying on the bed when they entered quietly, and she didn't stir right away. Lafontaine strayed immediately to the small kitchen area, where they put a cute flower-patterned kettle on to boil immediately. 

Laura caught them looking from their deft hands to Perry intermittently before she walked to Perry's side and sat quietly on the bed. "How are you doing, Perry?" She asked gently. 

It took Perry a moment to reply. She blinked, like she was coming back from someplace far away and sat up straight-backed, grabbing childishly at a nearby pillow and hugging it to her chest. The mental image hurt Laura's heart and reminded her much too vividly of Perry parting her robe and showing the words etched into her flesh with careful precision. The girl seemed to have lost weight for stress; her face was a little thinner, her eyes a little more sunken and dark-ringed. "I'm... fine," Perry replied carefully, as if she had to pluck the words from a mess on the floor. 

Laura reached out carefully and laid her palm on Perry's knee. "I'm sorry about everything and- I really missed you," She said, her words a bit breathy with the emotion of it. Perry seemed to tense from her touch so she awkwardly removed her hand and watched her curly-haired friend purse her lips, shoulders stiff, and nod. 

"I missed you too," Perry said in a small voice. "Laf," She glanced up as Lafontaine carried over a cup of tea, which by the look of the liquid was a strong cup. Perry took it carefully in her palms and held it while it steamed. Lafontaine wrapped their arm loosely around their friend's shoulders, and Perry didn't tense: instead, she leaned into it ever so slightly. Laura made eye contact with Laf and knew that they'd brought her here to see precisely why they couldn't leave her side, and she understood. There went her friend once more taking the damage for the better of everyone else, and once more, she admired it as much as she wished Laf would quit it. Perhaps she wished most of all that everything would be okay, that there would be no damage to be distributed. 

After a few moments' silence, Laura stood. "Well, I'll leave you two be- I need to pack,"

"Pack?" Perry asked. It seemed to get her attention enough for her to tilt her head up, her face inquisitive. "Are you leaving too?" 

"Yeah," Laura exhaled. "Back home. Dad doesn't want me going here anymore, and he agreed that Carmilla can come too, so..." She let the words hang in the air as Perry seemed to slip away again, hazing in and out of her subconscious. It was disturbing. Laura wondered if Perry's mind had been pushed to the side for so long that it kept sliding back into that place. If, out of nowhere, she'd faint or shut off as if the Dean was seizing control when there was nothing else there. The thought haunted her more than she'd like to admit. 

"Good," Perry merely said. "I- I don't want either of you here. Much too dangerous. We never should have come, Laf, it's- it's not a good place," Lafontaine massaged Perry's shoulder in agreement as they looked down at her. They didn't look up when Laura said goodbye, when she refrained from touching Perry again. There'd be another time to say a formal goodbye, she thought, but right now wasn't it. Seeing Perry so unlike herself was disturbing, and Danny being missing didn't help Laura's stress levels either. By the end of a very long day, she felt like she'd gotten nothing done. 

She still checked off her to-do list as she walked down the dorm room hall, light fixtures buzzing with electricity quietly in the silence brought on by the lack of residents. Footsteps alerted her to someone turning the corner at the end of the hall and she craned her neck to peer behind herself, but it was only Carmilla with her sweeping dark hair and sharp red lips. "Jesus, Laura," She sighed. Her boots clunked softly on the worn floor as she strode down the hall, all- legs, and- and power, and fierce eyes and- oh boy. "You were gone all day and I had to lie and say I knew where you were or else your dad would probably try and push me through the volcano door-" 

However, she was cut off because Laura cupped her face and kissed her rather eagerly. Carmilla hummed into the kiss, her arms looping naturally around Laura's waist because they fit like that. Their mouths broke apart and then came together like tides as Laura wound her fingers through Carmilla's hair, and Carmilla tugged at Laura's shirt with grasping and urgent hands. Breath skirted across Laura's cheek and she thought all at once that she loved this girl. For a fleeting moment, she considered directing Carmilla's back to the wall and seeing how close she could press herself before one of them caved into something heady and hot but then Carmilla's fingers brushed Laura's chest a little too hard and the ache from her horrible bruise reminded her of the setting. "Ow-" She hissed softly against Carm's mouth, and like she had hit an off switch, her girlfriend halted and found where her fingers had touched. 

"Damn it, are you okay?" Her touch retreated to something feather-light and she brushed the pad of her fingers over the mark. Laura looked down and noticed that somehow in the heat of the moment, Carmilla had undone the top two buttons of her blouse and she was almost impressed at her deftness. That was, of course, until she realized that Carmilla was hundreds of years old and had probably undone some buttons in her time. 

"Yeah," Laura replied as her gaze shifted from the injury up to Carmilla's face and finally anchored there. The girl's dark hair was frizzy for Laura's fingers winding in it, her lipstick smeared at the left corner, her pupils blown but focused and there was the crease between her brows that spelled 'worry' in Carmilla-language. Laura reached up and ran her thumb over Carm's pale cheek, and she felt the hands on her waist pull her closer. They touched forehead like they could feel each other's thoughts, and Carmilla pressed a small kiss to the tip of Laura's nose. 

"Come on," Carmilla said; her voice was the smallest bit husky, which brought an odd satisfaction to Laura as her girlfriend cleared her throat and let her go. They kissed again, but it was slow and sweet, warm rather than searing. "If your dad doesn't see your face soon, he might gather a search party," They held hands as they walked back to the library, and Carmilla squeezed Laura's fingers like she knew the precise moments when Laura was anxious. Perhaps it was because she did.


	4. ancient feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Carmilla has a rather emotional day. All of these kids deserve better, jfc, but there is some fluff in here for y'all. I promise that there will be fluff in the next chapter or so to come (fluff which I don't immediately follow up with angst). Poor Carmilla is cagey and Laura is sweet and sunshiney as ever, and papa Hollis is trying to come to grips with eVERYTHING. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy it! c':

Laura was so clearly troubled, but she was refraining to speak about it openly. Carmilla was a patient girl so she waited as father Hollis doted and lingered at the corners (making her feel vaguely criminal for her stolen glances at Laura's... anatomy,) and Laura kept herself busy. Oftentimes, she asked Carmilla if the library would mind her taking small keepsakes from it, and Carmilla would reason that if it really minded their presence it likely wouldn't have harbored them so religiously for months. Later, she found Laura struggling to cut a section of Firefly dialogue out of the curtain where she had embroidered it months ago. The scissors, it seemed, were too dull to cut through the fabric so Laura was cursing (if one could call a mash of pop culture references and vaguely bad words a curse,) under her breath.

"God dang it-" She hissed. Carmilla lingered behind her, one brow cocked, watching Laura's somewhat adorable display of anger at the inanimate object that refused to be altered for her sake. Until, of course, Laura slammed the scissors down on the window sill and stilled; her breathing was heavy. Carmilla recognized it.

"Hey, cupcake," She purred the words out, careful quiet vibrations, as she let her fingertips skim Laura's shoulder blades and slid to stand beside her. "Here, let me try,"

"No- it's... It's okay, Carm," Laura pursed her lips into a small smile and stared down at the red marks on her fingers from how tightly she'd been gripping the scissors. "I just wanted to take this one because it's my favorite quote, but, it's probably rude to go around chopping the curtains up..."

 Carmilla worked her fingers in small circles to massage Laura's shoulders as she replied, "About as rude as it was to embroider it in the first place," It didn't look like it made Laura feel much better. "Hey," Carmilla reached out her other hand to grasp her lover's jaw gently and turn her pretty honey eyes to be examined. There was something on her mind, it was obvious, it was charging the air around them. All at once, Laura was tearing up, and Carmilla brought her into a hug. The best way she knew to help was to wind her fingers through Laura's blonde hair, cup her head to the crook of her neck, and stand perfectly still. Laura would do the rest on her own, and she did.

 "Perry isn't doing well," She started.

 Carmilla hummed. "I deduced as much after Laf explained that she hadn't slept," She replied gently. Laura's head shook, burrowing against Carmilla's flesh and sending hot breath skirting her skin.

 "I saw her, I went to her room with Laf, she's so far away... Like she's not herself anymore," She pulled back enough for Carmilla to see that she was defiantly fighting away her tears; the epitome of the bravery she so admired in Laura. "Did... Did your mother ever possess anyone else besides Perry?"

"Yes," Carmilla answered gravely, a word almost sighed out. "But they didn't survive because they were possessed for long after a typical human lifespan. She didn't  switch so quickly, so I don't know what dangers possession can inflict other than the obvious..." She realized that she wasn't helping a bit too late. Laura needed the kind of help that would inspire her to do more, like kisses and encouragement and warmth, and Carmilla always felt dreadfully cold in that affair. She was not used to the kind of sunshine that Laura exposed her to; her skin would burn from the heat of them, and she would prefer no other way to be injured.

 Laura's fingers pressed to the space just below Carmilla's breastbone and she felt her heartbeat increase uncomfortably. Her own mortality consumed her for a moment as Laura smiled, gleeful for the feeling of Carmilla's new organ, and she must admit that a mortal death appealed to her. Perhaps even one at Laura's side, if they could make it that far, but the thought re-entered her mind like a cancer: _Laura had no heartbeat._

 Carmilla pressed her lips to Laura's forehead to distract herself from the sickening thought. "Perry is strong. It take someone special to survive possession, a Goddess, a sacrifice, being used as bait for her friends..." She trailed off, because she was cupping Laura's face and murmuring against her forehead, and Laura had placed her palms on Carmilla's sides and it seized her for a moment. Those hands did criminal things to her newfound pulse and shocked her nervous system into gleeful swoops of butterflies in her stomach. "Besides," She briskly continued, letting Laura go and clearing her throat. A sneaky smile played on her girl's face, knowing she had affected Carmilla in the way only she could. "She has Lafontaine, so..."

"Yeah," Laura continued. "But Laf's parents aren't going to be so accepting of them. I offered for them to come with us-"

"Is your dad okay with that?" Carmilla interrupted. Mr. Hollis didn't strike her as the kind of man who appreciated last-minute changes to his carefully crafted plans; let alone involving someone as brash and reckless as Lafontaine.

 Laura shrugged, which gave Carmilla all the answers she needed. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment, closing her eyes. It seems Laura's habit of being brash and reckless was even more severe than Lafontaine's. When she opened her eyes, Laura had taken the scissors and was in the process of putting them away where she'd found them. Carmilla strayed after her (as always) before she collapsed down onto an armchair and canted her head towards Laura, who was giving her puppy eyes. A smile pulled at her lips, and she patted her lap to invite Laura over. After a moment of adjusting, Laura wrapped her arm around Carmilla's neck and tucked her legs up to her chest, all within reach, all close and sweet and soft. Carmilla wrapped her arms around Laura and brought her in close. "I tried to find Danny,"

 The words took Carmilla off guard, she'd admit, but once the initial surprise faded she realized it wasn't a surprising thing after all. Of course Laura would look for the dangerous emotionally manipulated vampire who'd fed off the innocent for months and threatened to hurt them all; she had _fallen_ for one. The thought stung for only a moment, because that's how long Carmilla allowed it to hurt. She pursed her lips in thought and finally sighed, "Any luck?"

 Laura shook her head. "I'm not surprised," Carmilla continued. "After I came out of the coffin, I ran and hid. I didn't want to see my mother or anyone else I knew. I imagine she doesn't want to either." Laura seemed to mull the thoughts over for a few moments while Carmilla busied herself playing with the ends of Laura's flowy tank top. She didn't like talking about those things; yes, they brought back bad memories, and she genuinely couldn't care about a girl who almost got herself and Laura killed after a few mere weeks of being a vampire. She didn't remember herself being that pliable. There must have been something there beforehand for Danny to be so bloodthirsty right away.

 "I just want to know that she's alright before we leave," Laura admitted. Carmilla had figured this, but hearing Laura profess care for their near-murderer still irked her. But she refused to stamp on that little flame of hope and light that Laura clutched in her chest, so instead, she slid her hand up Laura's back and wound it through her hair affectionately.

"She's not alright, Laura," She replied honestly, "But she will be eventually, it's just not your job to make sure of it. If she wants to talk to you, she will; nothing much has stopped her before," Honesty wasn't always pretty or nice, but it was the only way Carmilla knew how to converse. She wanted to ease her girlfriend's burden, but she refused to lie to her in order to do it. Laura tipped her head forward and they kissed gently. Carmilla guided her head closer so she could kiss her again and again, eagerly but gentle and sweetly halting.

 

They stayed like that for awhile, but not forever. There were things to do, after all, Laura reminded her brightly as she hopped off of Carmilla's lap (sadly) and briskly left the library. Carmilla considered following, but it would mean socializing with people who still feared her; students who still shied away as she monitored her own heartbeat and followed Laura's lead as best she could. So, she remained in the library which had become one of her favorite places. It had always been special to her since she first arrived at Silas hundreds of years ago, when it had harbored anthologies and epics, when she had sought solace in pages rather than family. Mattie had always been there, but she hadn't gotten along with her in the beginning, she'd not liked her new affliction. She had learned to love the blood in her mouth.

  She settled with a book and a cup of cocoa that would never be as good as the kind Laura made, regretfully, and she read the thick old language written on the pages and slowly but surely calmed down from the obsessive thoughts that plagued her. She was lost once again in the world of the poems and the writing; her cocoa had long been emptied but she was too immersed to retrieve another cup (normally, Laura would do so for her) and thus she sat. Carmilla didn't hear the footsteps until the voice rang out from beside her and she jumped so violently that she almost dropped the book, swearing fluently at her attacker who turned out to only be Laura's father. The space was awkward.

 "What's wrong with you?" She asked hotly. "You can't just sneak up on people like that!" The fact that she'd been caught off guard disturbed her most. Normally, with advanced vampiric senses, she'd have heard him coming from far away. But she hadn't. She was vulnerable now, and she'd learned a long time ago that  vulnerability wasn't a good look for her. But alas, the man stood before her with a lack of abrasiveness, clothed in a puffy vest and a plaid shirt, boots, his balding head uncovered and his sharp eyes oddly warm. He did not snap at her. In fact, instead of being so quick to yell or accuse per usual, he pulled a chair up and sat down across from her. She stared at him, feeling her proverbial hackles rise and unease creep over her skin.

 "I'm sorry," He said it full of feeling while Carmilla was full of apprehension. "I doubted you," He spoke bluntly, halting on and off, like he had to pressure himself to speak at the same time that he had to find the words. "I doubted your intentions with my daughter and she told me over and over that you were good, but I didn't believe her,"

 "Okay," Carmilla coaxed when he fell silent. He wouldn't be the first one to think she wanted to use Laura for something dark and supernatural; _Laura_ herself had been the first one to think so. It felt like hundreds of years ago that Carmilla brought her champagne that she'd stolen from her mother like a damn teenager to their dorm room and tried to impress her.

 "But I watched the video that the boy recorded when you two went to fight the uh, the Dean-" He paused. The anguish on his face looked like how Carmilla's chest squeezed just then, like it was trying to choke her, and she made a conscious effort to keep her breathing even.

 "She died," He whispered. Hollis fell silent, his head bowed and his face wrinkled by age and by the expression of grief. Carmilla remembered the feeling like it was still lost somewhere in the back of her mind, a shadow haunting her, something that rose up from the blackness and reminded her of the horrors of that day and so many others like it.

 "Yes," She breathed. "She did."

  "And you saved her," He looked up at her and she saw tears welling up in his eyes. He reached out and took the book from her idle hands, which clasped at the absence of something to grab and touch. She opened her mouth to object, but then he reached out his own work-hardened hands and grasped hers. It felt foreign. She froze entirely because the only people to touch her hands in the past hundred or so years had been Laura, Mattie, and her victims. Never the father of the girl she loved. "Y-you risked your live to save her, you saved my daughter, and I _doubted you._ " His adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed. She felt like there was a lump in her throat, so she couldn't blame him. "I know Laura invited you to come and stay with us, and, I don't know if there's anywhere else you can go or other family that you have, but you're always welcome in my house, in my family."

 Carmilla grasped at straws when she tried to find words to say to this, because never had she ever been in a situation like this. Of course, she had spent years working her way into girl's hearts and the hearts of their fathers; that wasn't new. But she _cared_ this time. She cared so damn much. She clenched her jaw and sniffed and worked one of her hands free to run her fingers over her watery eyes. "Thank you," She whispered. "I-" Stop. Breathe. "I would love to join you. Laura- she helped me escape something dark about myself, and I-" _Love her._ She didn't say it, but she made eye contact with the man across from her and he squeezed her hand, and then let go.

 "You might be the only girl that could possibly deserve her," He said offhandedly, taking a deep breath before he flexed his hands and stood up; the touching sappy moment was fleeting and Carmilla was very thankful for it. She, too, got up and plucked the mug from the arm of the chair and cleared her throat.

 "I appreciate the sentiment," She replied, "But I must admit I'm not too concerned about your approval; Laura's feelings are all I care about." Carmilla spoke flippantly because the conversation had strayed dangerously close to a, what was it, metric fuckton of emotion that she didn't quite want to unearth in front of Laura's father. He let out a sharp bark-like laugh. Carmilla let this resonate in her chest.

 

She left the library to find Laura. It was drizzling outside and the sky was dreary and marble grey; there were still a pack of Xenas jogging along the campus borders, and despite herself Carmilla examined their far-away faces to see if _the_ Xena was among them, but she wasn't. If Danny was smart, she'd have run far and fast because Carmilla and Mr. Hollis alike were out for her blood. She had attempted to murder Laura and as much as Laura liked to think that Danny was the same person she was as a mortal, Carmilla refused to believe the protective soul she'd once faced still resonated within that person. She pulled her leather jacket tighter around herself, arms reaching up to put her hair in a bun and pull her hood up against the raindrops. Clicking her teeth, she strode towards their old dorm building and into its dusty old foyer, up its creaking stairs, down its halls where she'd found Laura the previous day. That's when she heard her laugh.

She opened the door rather than knocking, and Lafontaine, Laura, and Perry all jumped and turned to stare doe-eyed at her. It was the first time she'd seen Perry since her mother had used the girl as a puppet, and she must admit, Laura appeared to be right. She looked spent and worn like an old shirt sent through the laundry one too many times: a faded version of its former self.  "Carm," Her girlfriend greeted. They'd half destroyed the room, it seemed. One bed had been pushed from the wall to the other bed in order to form a larger space where Lafontaine, Laura, and Perry sat in a literal sea of pillows with a laptop on Perry's lap. The girl seemed to freeze, round eyes staring at Carmilla like she might kill her. Awkwardness seeped up through Carmilla's cracks. She shifted her weight from foot to foot, still emotional from the talk with Laura's father, still thinking of her mother in Perry's body. "C'mon," Laura piped up when no one else spoke. "We're watching Stranger Things- we're only partway through the first episode, you haven't missed much,"

 Carmilla shut the door behind herself and removed her jacket. Lafontaine stared at her as Carmilla noticed their arm looped around Perry's shoulders, whom was situated snugly between Laura and them.  "So this is the incredibly important business you had to attend to," Carmilla said dryly.

 "Hey," Laura frowned. "I deserve rest and relaxation. Right, Perr?" Carmilla drew closer confidently; she kicked off her shoes and slid into the bed beside Laura, who lifted the blankets for her to get underneath.

 "Right," Perry finally whispered. "R-rest, yes," What a broken girl she was. Carmilla was bitter for the guilt that ate at her edges as she thought to herself: what could she do here? It felt as is everything she said was flammable, and Perry was full of gasoline. She wrapped her arm around Laura's shoulders and reached to the laptop and tapped the spacebar. The show began to play and thus the four of them fell silent; but not forever.

 

                It was admittedly a cute show. But the best thing was hearing Laura's snorting giggle and Lafontaine's wheezy laugh at the funny parts. Carmilla jeered at the characters' awkwardness where she could, small one-liners that Laf would add onto and Laura would tell them all to hush because, "Shh! We're missing it, shut up!" And she'd swat at them all while Perry, in the smallest voice of all, giggled into her shaky palms. Carmilla and Lafontaine were sent to make snack runs where they wrestled popcorn from stubborn vending machines and raided the cafeteria for something that looked edible. Lafontaine, in awkward words, thanked Carmilla. In equally as awkward words, she said you're welcome. They spent the entire day watching that show on netflix and by the time it was over, they were all in pajamas with pillows and blankets abound. She had her differences with Perry and Lafontaine and she likely always would, but today was the first day that she considered them _her_ friends and not just friends of Laura's.

                Her and Laura ended up wandering back to their dorm room, hand-in-hand, at around midnight. Rain was lashing at the window as they flicked on lamps and laughed to themselves about the show, speculating about its ending whilst they drew back the covers and climbed unceremoniously into bed. It was tame and cute until Laura's lips were on her neck and her hands braced her hips, until there were hands caught in hair and breaths gasped against lips and heat rolling through her stomach and her pulse was hammering away frantically through her veins; thump, thump, thump. Carmilla's hand cupped the back of Laura's neck as her lover kissed over her breastbone and her chest was rising and falling quickly. Her head was full of _she died, she died, she died, thump, thump, thump-_

 "Carm?" _She died, she died, she-_ "Carmilla, are you okay? Look at me," Laura's hands cupped her cheek and her face swam into focus. Words and air were ensnared in her throat and she could barely grind them out, but when she did, they trembled.

 "Is- it's not supposed to beat this fast-" She dug her nails into her chest. Laura grasped her hand and moved it, held it, she pressed her palm to the space and surely felt it. Carmilla's head swam. She clung to Laura like a life raft, unused to this feeling of terror over being _afraid._ She'd been afraid before; why was this happening now?

 "You're okay," Laura whispered; she laid back and pulled Carmilla into her arms, whom grasped her clothing and her skin and sought a pulse that wasn't there. Laura whispered sweet things, comforting things, to Carmilla as she listened to the rain against the window and the sound of her own rushed breaths that eventually dissipated. She hadn't known she was shaking until she stopped and fell silent in Laura's embrace, her body was numb and she felt exhausted from the fit of whatever had just seized her so violently.

 "God," Carmilla whispered, running a hand through her hair. "I'm- sorry," She sighed, evening her breathing. "I didn't- I don't know what that was, that's never happened, my heart was-"

 "It's a panic attack," Laura told her calmly.

  Carmilla processed this, but it didn't make any sense; they were isolated and she had never been given reason to fear Laura. "Nothing was happening," She stated bluntly. "I didn't have anything to panic about,"

 Laura shook her head and ran her fingers through Carmilla's hair, gently combing her scalp. "You don't have to, it just happens to people sometimes." She paused, "My dad used to get them a lot after this car accident we were in. He'd be in the kitchen making dinner and then lose his breath and start shaking and... It's because he was trying to deal with what happened," She recalled it quietly, but emotionally as she cradled Carmilla whom all at once felt like a child who needed comforting. Embarrassed, she made to unwind herself from Laura's arms, but Laura held on. She coaxed Carmilla into a kiss that melted the embarrassment and the urge to flee like she'd been exposed to the sun.

 "Don't be sorry," Laura said. Carmilla clenched her jaw, but nodded, and she averted her gaze. Whatever they were working towards prior to the 'panic attack' was out of the question now, but Laura didn't seem to mind. She held Carmilla, whom didn't fight it, and they laid like that until Laura fell asleep. Carmilla, however, remained woefully awake as she listened to Laura's breathing, counting the seconds between her breaths where there was no heartbeat to assure her that Laura was alive.


	5. coming down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I've got a lover / A love like religion / I'm such a fool for sacrifice,"
> 
> Aha! They leave Silas. Poor Laura is so strong <3 Also, I figured Carmilla likely knows German considering she'd have to keep returning to Austria over and over the course of her very long life? So that's a thing.
> 
> Also, side note: they bang so be prepared for that. It's not very detailed but future possible sessions might be, if y'all want. Let me know!
> 
> As always, _please_ comment and tell me what you think because it really helps keep my muse rolling!

Laura didn't sleep well, but she figured part of that was because of worrying over Carmilla. The look of fear in her eyes as she'd gripped her chest the previous night had driven spikes of fright into Laura's temples, a hot frothy feeling in her chest, a swoop in her stomach. Worst of all, Carmilla had been embarrassed afterward and she had no reason to be. Despite explaining it, Laura felt she hadn't gotten the point across as fluently as she needed to... After everything they'd been through, Carmilla had the _right_ to freak out. Of course, broody ex-vampire over here wouldn't let herself get a good cry in like Laura was willing to, and so she figured it was coming out in other ways instead.

Carmilla was affectionate this morning. It reminded Laura distantly of the alternate universe Carmilla, where she'd been so eager to touch Laura in anyway, where Laura had contained tears just barely over how broken her girlfriend had been. This morning, Carmilla was blissfully sleepy in that state just between actually asleep and awake, and it was probably one of Laura's favorite times. Carmilla's fingers were wound in the collar of Laura's shirt, her black haired head tucked against Laura's neck, her breath soft. Her legs were hooked over Laura's, her body snug and close and God, her skin was so soft and warm. She could stay like this for years, she thought, and as she did she felt her eyes burn. Blinking tears away, she pressed her cheek to Carmilla's temple and kissed her head gently once, and then twice, and again because she couldn't help herself.

"Mm... Laura?" Carmilla murmured sleepily. Laura's favorite sound might just be Carmilla saying her name, if there wasn't other slightly more criminal sounds she loved when vocalized by her girlfriend.

"Hey, baby," She whispered back, she felt Carmilla drag her arm from her collar and around her neck instead, nuzzling closer like she hadn't _quite_ lost all the cat-like mannerisms she possessed when she had been able to transform into a giant panther. A soft hum left Carmilla; a genuinely pleased sound because it was still too early for her to act standoffish and distant. Laura ran her hand through her lover's hair, twining her fingers through the soft locks, letting her eyes shut as Carmilla pressed lazy kisses to her neck and made goosebumps stand on her skin.

Carmilla hummed again, kept kissing lazily, and Laura thought it sounded almost like purring. "M'sorry about last night," She mumbled sleepily as her arms tightened their embrace just a little bit around Laura. The sound of the shyness in her voice was foreign because if Carmilla was _anything_ other than broody and sassy, she certainly wasn't shy. It was a special kind of thing that Laura selfishly believed was reserved for only her.

She shook her head and rolled slowly onto her back as she pulled Carmilla with her so they remained just as close, as tangled, as warm. Carmilla grumbled with the movement, like she was upset about being disturbed, and when her position at Laura's neck was jostled she made sure to nuzzle up close again. "You don't have any reason to be sorry," Laura assured as she worked her fingers through her girl's dark hair, cupping the back of her scalp and massaging it. Carmilla made that humming sound again, and Laura's mouth formed an involuntary smile.

 

"Baby?" Carmilla prompted sleepily.

"Yes?"

"I love you,"

"I love you too."

Laura felt Carmilla's heartbeat filling her with warmth. She shut her eyes and laid still in the loveliness of it; she was allowed to soak this up. After everything, they both deserved some quality time together where they could be so cute that they made all the L Word couples look like brooding lovers, sweet enough to develop cavities. Laura basked in it, and Carmilla did too for that sacred time in the room where it had all began.

 

They kissed and dressed messily: Carmilla had to hop about the room to get into her skinny jeans and Laura had to laugh at her because, _"Oh, she's beauty, she's grace!"_

"And she's about to punch you in the face!" Carmilla shot back, but Laura saw the smile splayed across her face and they both laughed at the situation as Carmilla buttoned her pants and Laura, as noble as ever, refrained from smacking her girlfriend's ass. (Which, oh my gosh, have you _seen_ her in those jeans? It's enough to make any girl a little- um- _less focused._ ) Laura got dressed, too, and brushed her hair. They brushed their teeth and bumped hips in the bathroom, smiling, smiling, smiling.

 

They hit the campus with their fingers intertwined and met Laura's father on the driveway in as he directed cars of stressed parents into the facility. Students milled about the lawns as they were approached and hugged by their frantic kin whom cupped their faces and examined their messy stitches. Her father had rounded Austrian authorities and brought them to the campus as well, and thus the university had been temporarily shut down. Foreign speech jumbled around them as locals and paramedics rushed to treat those whose injuries had been too severe for the students to work out how to treat and parents checked in with office faculty who were trying to take everyone's attendance. In the crowd, there was Lafontaine and Perry whom had already packed all her things and was standing rigidly awaiting her parents arrival. Laura re-directed Carmilla, pulling her towards their friends whom smiled and waved upon seeing them. "Waiting for your parents?" Laura guessed.

"Mhm," Perry nodded curtly, her red hands clasped in front of herself, bundled in scarves and hats with her curly red hair tucked neatly away. Lafontaine was a little less dressed for the dreary weather in a plaid button up with a hoodie beneath, their dufflebag of belongings hanging off of them, their features tight and nervous. Laura knew what was incoming. She patted their shoulder and they gave her a brief smile; fleeting, but there.

"I'm gonna miss you, Frosch," They said.

"Hey, we're going to skype like, all the time," Laura replied with a toothy grin of her own, but she felt it, too. She would miss Laf and Perry more than she'd like to admit: they'd defeated a God together, after all, and that's not something you forget quickly. " _And_ we'll stream movies," She added, which made Lafontaine laugh. Perry was hugging herself, her gloved hands on her biceps, staring at the concession of cars making their way onto the campus.

Lafontaine looked at Carmilla, who remained silent, and Laura watched as they smiled awkwardly. "I'll miss you too,"

"Ah yes," Carmilla drawled, "All the fond memories of being tied up by you idiots and then stuck in a library with you for months, _and_ dealing with your whiney ass on the escape through the alps," She crossed her arms lazily, and Laura gave her the look. She had to say something nice! Laf was nervous, it wasn't the time to be a broody ex-vampire. "... And I'll still miss you _despite_ all of that," Carmilla added as a carefully disguised afterthought. Laura knew better, though, and she believed that Laf knew it too: they'd both seen the careful smile on Carmilla's face as they'd cuddled and collectively watched Netflix together for the last time.

Lafontaine smiled widely, and glanced between Laura and Carmilla, then towards Perry and the happiness faltered into concern. Laura's heart stung for them. "If you guys plan on waging another supernatural war any time soon, call me, okay?" Laf told them. They agreed that they didn't plan on doing so, but should they find themselves in that position, that Lafontaine would be their first call.

Soon enough, Perry's parents were there, and Laura could have honestly picked them out of a crowd. Her mother had Perry's same wild ginger hair, and her father had the same tight expression on his face, and they both rushed to hug their fragile daughter whom fell apart in their arms. Laura felt all at once like they should probably leave; this was private, and Lafontaine's shared expression seemed to reveal that they felt the same way. Perry's mother wiped her tears and whispered things to her whilst her father looked up at the rest of them with eyes glazed by concern and disorientation. "Susan," He said in a thickly accented voice. He pulled Lafontaine into a hug, whom returned it warmly, and Laura had to bite her tongue to keep herself from correcting him.

Carmilla, however, piped up. "Lafontaine," She corrected in a quietly dark tone. Laura glanced at her and saw she had fixed her gaze not on Perry's father, but on Laf, who smiled weakly back. Something flickered in Carmilla's gaze, like she wanted to speak but refrained to, seemed to mull the words over and finally said: "Don't let them make you feel small,"

Lafontaine's lips parted for a moment, inhaling, they didn't reply but the appreciation seemed to well up in their expression as it did in Laura's chest. God, for someone who was so broody and distant, for someone who'd told her many times over to stop having heroic notions about her, Carmilla was a good person. A genuinely good person.

They said their hellos and goodbyes awkwardly to Perry's parents. Lafontaine introduced Laura and Carmilla, and Laura hugged Perry's mother and shook her father's hand and Carmilla refused to make bodily contact but greeted them tersely, which all things considered was pretty good for Carmilla. Perry's parents seemed to automatically like Laura and be wary of Carmilla off the bat which wasn't unusual either; Laura liked being liked by parents! She was a good person, she figured, so why would people not like her? Wait, that made her sound awfully vain...

Perry's parents didn't want to stay long once their daughter lapsed into silence, and Lafontaine was swept up by them. They all hugged one last time, Laura murmured nice things to Perry and told her to stay safe, then she said the same to Lafontaine, and she fought back tears because goodbyes _sucked._ Carmilla held her hand and quietly squeezed her palm which served as a little hit of courage and an anchor. As they watched Lafontaine help Perry's dad pack up the car, Carmilla wrapped an arm around Laura's waist and she leaned into her girlfriend a little. "I'm gonna miss them," She murmured quietly.

"I'm going to miss Perry's brownies," Carmilla shot back, which made Laura swat at her and laugh; she might be callous to everyone else, but Laura knew when she was displaying emotion in her twisty little hidden Carmilla way. Laura patted her on the shoulder and together, they strayed back to the dorms with some part of them always touching; hands touching, arms looped around waists, sides and hips bumping. Laura savored the contact.

 

The next few days were a bit of a blur. Her father was eager to make noise at the remaining board members and, with the help of the Austrian forces, he had the entire campus and university under investigation for it's cruel practices to students. They revealed the medieval charter acts and the neglect shown to the student body over the course of several lengthy conferences that Laura attended as a speaker to testify against the remaining board members. It was exhausting, going over everything that had happened in the past few months in detail; she worked bites into her lips and picked at her fingers and her voice trembled as she relayed emotional trauma. The policemen coaxed her onward, asked her questions about what she'd been through and God damn it, she held her breath and squeezed shut her eyes and tried to keep herself from falling apart. Her father was always there, like a non-verbal force, like a glowing exit sign telling her she could leave whenever she wanted to. Carmilla, well, she was not vocal, she did not testify; but she stood on the stage next to Laura with her palm resting on Laura's back and blatantly refused to leave her side. She was the only reason Laura got through it- actually, she was likely the only reason Laura got through all of it. Every ounce of grief and blood and tears were worth it for returning to their dorm and having Carmilla kiss her face and call her brave.

There were no more conferences to come the next day. There was one taking place, she knew; she got up to attend it but she heard Carmilla arguing outside the door: "You _will not_ make her go. She shouldn't have to stand up there like a god damn puppet and tell everyone about what happened to us!" Her girlfriend's voice roared down the hall and she sounded at once like the panther she had formerly been. Laura bit her lip, closed her eyes, and wondered who Carmilla was arguing with until someone spoke in deep german. Then, there was another voice.

"You're not making my daughter do that again! I don't care who you are!" Barked her father, and she imagined them both standing out their like sentries at her door, refusing to allow her to relive it all anymore. She wanted to argue and say she was stronger than that, that she needed to do this, that she could do this... But tears were coming to her eyes, and she sat slowly on the edge of the bed. All at once, she wanted to go home.

Carmilla spat fluent German back at the unknown person ("Was machst du noch hier? _Verpiss dich!"_ ), and footsteps retreated down the hall. "Get her ready," Laura heard her father say, muffled through the wooden door. "We're leaving _today."_

"Good," Carmilla replied in a hiss. There was a moment of silence, and then retreating footsteps, and then the door opened and Laura looked up at her girlfriend's face as tears ran down her cheeks. Carmilla froze for a moment in the doorway, but her formerly angry expression softened, and she walked forwards and hugged Laura. "We're leaving," She whispered as Laura heaved sobs into her shoulder and balled up her fists.

 

The rain was dreary outside. Laura donned one of Carmilla's soft leather jackets, which smelled comfortingly like her girlfriend, and a sweater underneath that kept her warm. Carmilla and her father loaded up their rental car on the drive as Laura stood with her hands clasped around a thermos Perry had gotten her for christmas, filled to the brim with cocoa for the road. It made her ache to think of leaving Silas, but at the same time, she settled on it: this chapter of her life was over and it was time to move on. Carmilla looked up from the back of the trunk, her hair pulled into a messy bun, strands poking out from the hair tie and a few framing her angular face. "Come on, cupcake," She called.

But something nagged at Laura, so she held up her finger. "One more thing! I just- I forgot something!" She called before she turned and darted up the lawn as her father called after her. She crashed into the faculty building, panting, and tracked down a faculty member and one of the only english-speaking Austrian policemen. In rushed words, she explained that they should contact her if anyone sees Danny Lawrence, and she supplied them with a picture they had taken together within the first week of knowing one another. "If you see her, just-" She stopped, scraping together words from the recesses of her mind. "Tell her Laura is worried and tell her to call," They took her phone number, too, and with that she felt finally ready to depart this place.

She got in the car next to Carmilla in the back seat and her father occupied the driver's seat with a map strewn on the passenger's seat next to him. The drive was, in one word, stressful. The roads on the alps were unkempt and some were even blocked by old rockslides that made them have to backtrack and try to find another way around it. At one point, they off-roaded, which revealed that Carmilla's now very human stomach couldn't take the bumpy driving and they had to stop for her to gulp mountain air and try not to be sick. All-in-all, it took them hours, but they reached civilization with minimal damage to the vehicle and made their way to the nearest airport. Carmilla fell asleep as they waited for their plane to board with her head in Laura's lap, taking up another seat with the rest of her body, and Laura's father remained religiously awake as he spouted off airplane safety to her and debated whether or not to make them all wear helmets in case of falling luggage.

Airplanes were also new to Carmilla whom had boarded them before, she told Laura, but she mentioned that it was a different sensation entirely as a human. She held Laura's hand, white-knuckled and stubbornly pretending not to be as they flew over the rest of Austria and across the ocean towards Laura's home. Eventually, Laura fell asleep on that plane as the sunrise broke the clouds and revealed land beneath the plane's belly; far below, the wilderness of her home. Her eyes closed slowly as music played through her headphones and Carmilla wrapped her arm protectively around her shoulders; encasing her, making her feel safe. She rested her head on her girlfriend's shoulder, and only awoke when the plane jarred as they touched down.

Next, there was more driving, but this time they had neatly paved roads and Laura's uncle Bill and her father spoke in the front seats as her and Carmilla sat drowsily in the back. Carmilla stared at the windows to see the passing scenery, her attention rapt and focused, her brown eyes lit by the Canadian sun shining down on the car through the azure sky. "I've never been to Canada," She told Laura quietly as they pulled off the highway onto a new road. "I've seen every corner of Europe; it was starting to get boring," She drawled, smiling as Laura rolled her eyes. Europe was ancient; ghosts of old times seemed to echo around every corner. Of course, Carmilla had seen the old so it likely wasn't as fascinating to her as it was to someone mortal. Laura loved to oldness, but she also admired the homely kind of feeling that her town harbored.

"Welcome t'Nelson," Bill called back to Carmilla as they entered the town. It was nestled between mountains and set next to a river, full of old buildings and houses surrounded thickly by old trees that buckled the roads they drove down in the rusted old pickup. Laura looked out the windows and saw that things hadn't changed since she'd been here last: all the shopfronts were still endearingly old- Mrs. Kavinsky's flower shop had gotten a paint job, perhaps. However, as much as Nelson had remained the same, it was as if everything were different. The _world_ had changed around Nelson, _Laura_ had changed away from her small sleepy home town.

Within five minutes, they pulled up to the Hollis' property. It had a long dirt drive leading upwards to a house on the crest of the mountain bordering Nelson and from the front porch there was an extensive view of the small town. Bill parked the truck and they got out, but Laura's legs were stiff and she was aching all over from the exhausting travel. Carmilla, however, had her head on a swivel as she strode over the minimal front yard and looked at the view between the tree branches. "Don't slip," Laura called. "The leaves get slippery."

She trailed after her girlfriend as her father and uncle unloaded their belongings, ("Jeez, this is heavy-" "It's all books. Laura's girlfriend is quite the scholar.") "You weren't kidding when you said you grew up in the middle of nowhere," Carmilla commented, pushing her hands into her skinny jeans pockets. "It's kind of nice if you like stereotypical-probably-racist small towns."

Laura laughed. "The locals aren't bad," She told Carmilla. "My dad signed me up for Krav Maga because he was worried about them hassling me for liking girls," She glanced over her shoulder to see if her father was around, and when she saw he wasn't, she gave Carmilla's ass a small smack. "But I never got any trouble for it,"

Carmilla had gone a touch pink and looked over at Laura with dangerously lidded eyes and challengingly quirked brows. "Well," She purred. "I'd say you got some trouble,"

"Mhm?" Laura played along, smiling; "And I'd assume her name's _Carmilla?"_

"Ooh, well played," Carmilla replied with a hint of sarcasm as she wound an arm around Laura's waist and pulled them flush against each other. Sure, Laura was tired, but this was perhaps waking her up a little more than she'd care to admit-

 

"Girls," Her father called. They leaped apart awkwardly, but he was only just walking from the house and had likely missed the exchange. Laura gave Carm a cheeky smile, which was returned with a dark kind of look and she thought: Carmilla is going to eat her alive at the next chance they got, and she was so looking forward to it.

They showered while Laura's father made dinner (some fish caught by her uncle, whom had departed after dropping them off). He had pulled Laura aside and had, in few awkward words, said something which translated to 'please-don't-bang-your-girlfriend-in-the-shower'. Which beyond being slightly scarring was _entirely_ unpractical for many reasons that she wasn't about to relay to her very overprotective father. So the shower was uneventful- somewhat. They definitely kissed. Laura _definitely_ felt Carmilla's hands travelling to- um- certain places. Before it could _escalate_ she reminded Carmilla of the fact that her father was downstairs making them dinner which they would have to sit through with him after the shower. Carmilla, however, seemed hellbent on making her squirm and so she gave in for a moment of relief with Carm's hand between her legs and the cold tile wall against her back, trying to keep herself from gasping (and failing), trying not to scratch Carmilla's back (and failing), and finally swatting her very smug girlfriend off before they could get much too carried away.

Dinner was painfully awkward. So awkward that Laura considered crawling under the table to hide from the looks that her father was sneaking her, which were concerned and sweet, and the sultry kind of gazes Carmilla was fixing her with (the ones that made Laura feel a little like Carmilla might pounce on her at any moment). They finished dinner perhaps too quickly, but her father seemed so burned out that he didn't notice their juvenile haste. Laura promised to do the dishes the next day as she placed them in the sink and skipped up the stairs with Carmilla hot on her heels; she walked down a hall full of family photos of herself growing up, her father, and even her mother, and into her childhood room.

 

The bed was only a bit bigger than the ones back in Silas and had pale yellow sheets, a blanket with bumblebee covers, the walls were plastered in drawings and posters of her favorite shows and there were books _everywhere_ around the room, but they scarcely paid any attention because as soon as they were through the door, they were touching. Carmilla grasped Laura's hips in that _illegal_ way she did, one hand sliding to grasp Laura's ass in that predatory kind of way that she knew made Laura tremble. They shed clothing, mouths forming kisses together and then Carmilla was biting her neck and Laura whined into the air, gripping her black hair, wondering how Carmilla just unclasped her bra with one hand before she remembered just how talented her girlfriend was.

But that's not how it was going to be. Laura pulled Carmilla's hair hard enough to unlatch her and Carm hissed; her neck exposed, cherry red lips parted with a quickly forming smirk and blown pupils in her dark eyes. "Oh _baby,"_ She purred, "You want to try and be in charge?" She said it like Laura hadn't already proved she was fully capable of pinning Carmilla down on _multiple_ occasions.

Laura smirked. "You say that like I'm not already," She pushed Carmilla onto the bed and she found herself sliding a hand into Carmilla's pants and kissing her girlfriend's gasping mouth as she hit the spots that drove her wild and bit her pale skin. Whines quivered the air around them, Laura's arm burned from the effort of it but Carmilla was coming beautifully apart underneath her and she moaned softly at the _noises_ her girlfriend was making and the way her black painted nails were dragging down Laura's back. Carmilla's hips jerked and her mouth formed sultry words as she came closer, but it wouldn't do, no- Laura wanted _more._

Carmilla had to bite the pillow to keep herself woefully quiet, (Laura had told her to- back at Silas, they hadn't cared whether people overheard them, but now they had Laura's _father_ to cohabitate with) as she gripped Laura's blonde hair and tugged mercilessly. Laura loved the feeling of it, but not as much as she loved feeling Carmilla's thighs squeezing her head and her girlfriend's twisting torso and dirty mouth: "Laura- oh, _fuck,_ right there- _please,"_ and she was tensing against Laura's mouth and around her fingers and it was the kind of stress relief that Laura could probably use every day of the year as Carmilla gasped her name into the pillow and lurched with her climax. God, she was beautiful. She was so beautiful.

Laura crawled up her body when she was finished, trailing damp kisses on her toned midsection and past her breasts that still had marks where her own mouth and hands had been, and Carmilla wrapped her arm lazily around Laura's neck. They kissed like that for only a few minutes before Carmilla was whispering about all the ways she was going to make Laura say her name and then they were rolling beneath the sheets and Laura- well, she lost focus on any coherent thought.

 

Carmilla's teeth may not be quite as long and pointy as her fangs had been, but the next day Laura was mildly impressed (if not horrified) that Carmilla had managed to give her a mighty trail of hickeys that creeped a little too far up her collarbone. "What if my dad sees?!" Laura yelped as she dug through her luggage and closet while Carmilla sat up on the bed, still shirtless and endlessly sexy, covered only by a thin sheet and- God! That was taking up _way_ too much of her focus.

"He won't," Carmilla replied smugly. "You must have something to cover that up, right?"

"Well- I hope so, for your sake," Laura huffed; at the time, hickeys had seemed like a great idea. Now? Not so much. Stubbornly, she donned a plaid shirt and buttoned it up a few higher than she normally would had her girlfriend totally _not_ given her a mindblowing time the previous night.

"Oh please," Carmilla drawled, "He can't seriously expect me not to want to-"

"Oookay, lady killer," Laura turned to see that Carmilla had stood and was ever-so-slowly shedding the sheet and- oh, _that was distracting._

Carmilla smiled a little too knowingly. "C'mon, Hollis," She purred as she wrapped an arm around Laura's waist and drew her in. "Round two?"

"... You're a jerk,"

 

They... They had a round two. Laura's body felt like jello as she spooned Carmilla; her arm wrapped lazily around her girlfriend's side as the morning light spilled in through the window next to her bed (which, thankfully, was on the second story and only facing trees so no one was about to get a peep show). She pressed soft kisses to Carmilla's bare shoulders which had earned a few long red scratches from Laura's own fingernails, as well as a hickey or two placed purely because Carmilla had given her a few dark ones too. Carmilla's hair was messy, if not a little messier than Laura's, and she inhaled the scent of her shampoo and the vaguely cinnamon smell from the candle she'd lit before they had gone at it again. Carmilla tensed, then, and it drew Laura's afterglow-hazy focus slowly back to run her thumb over Carmilla's stomach. "You okay?" She asked.

"Can I tell you something?" Carmilla murmured suddenly. Laura had the feeling that it was personal and deep by the way Carmilla drew her arms up, playing with Laura's fingers in her own.

"Of course, Carm," Laura whispered back, kissing her shoulders again and watching her careful movements. Silence stretched between them for a few slow moments in which Laura felt a million reasons why something might be wrong rising up through her mind, but-

"When you met me, I- um," _Um? Carmilla never says um!_ "I was a virgin," She stated stiffly. Oh.

_Oh my god._

"Are you going to, you know, say something to make me feel like less of an idiot?" Carmilla added a little scathingly, to which Laura's hydroplaning mind finally stuttered into action.

"I- really?"

" _Yes,"_

Laura propped herself up on her elbow and peered down at Carmilla to see that she was _totally_ red in the face and looked just about ready to bury herself in blankets and hide, but all she could think of was how their first time together had gone and how Carmilla had said over and over: 'I don't want to hurt you,' At the time, Laura had joked that she was tougher than she looked and could take some super-vampire-strength but it hadn't been that. It hadn't been that at all. "Baby," Laura murmured softly; she reached out a hand and turned Carmilla's jaw so she could kiss her once, and then twice, and then again and again and again and Carmilla was trying to say something but she just wanted one more kiss.

"What's this?" Carmilla asked somewhat breathlessly, gesturing to Laura, and likely her urgency.

"I just- I'm really glad I was your first and I wish you'd have told me!" She swatted Carmilla, whom laughed.

"Yeah, okay, tell the girl who I'd been thinking about for _weeks_ that I was a virgin whose only experience was- well-" She stammered out of the last part of that sentence, which made Laura burst into laughter at her expense- and after Carmilla swore at her and huffily got up to get dressed, she began to laugh too.


End file.
